A Haiku to my mother’s cat

Major Irritant

Mum’s feline slept in my bed

And now I have hives

This is not a poem

This is not a poem

You only think it is

It’s a mere collection of words

Without rhyme or reason

Or anything resembling a meter

_{Doggoned useless brain.}

I love a challenge

I was once told there are no bad poems

I have set out to prove this wrong

I assure you,

This is a

HORRIBLE,

WRETCHED

Poem.

­­(Really.)

English Class

This class makes no sense to me

So I sit here twiddling my thumbs

Hoping that the laws of Quantum physics

Will come through for me

And I will suddenly warp through the floor

And suddenly, the fact that I still haven’t finished my essay

Won’t

Seem

So

BAD

Compare and Contrast Essay

Michael Nollan

English 10

Due 5/10/10

Compare & Contrast

THE CURSE OF WINDOWS

There are two well known brands of operating system available for computers: Apple Macintosh, and Microsoft Windows. The continued argument of which operation system is superior has battled on for decades now, and it seems to get more hostile as time goes on. Here, I will present my evidence to support my belief: Apple’s operating system is clearly the better choice.

POINT ONE: STABILITY

In all likelihood, the most well known argument in this debate is the issue of stability. Upon suffering a “Fatal Exception”, Windows will give you the infamous BSoD, which kills your operation system and reboots the computer, causing you to lose anything you had been working on at the time. The “Fatal Exception” in question could be a software error or hardware error. The Mac equivalent is the “Kernel Panic” screen, which simply gives you a grey dialogue box stating that you must force reboot your computer. Upon rebooting, your system will be just as you left it. The Kernel Panic is activated when a serious hardware problem is detected (Such as the hard disk suffering damage when you dropped your computer.) The Kernel Panic is considerably rarer than the BSoD, (I’ve had several Blue Screens as opposed to only one Kernel Panic in my life, and I use Mac a lot more.) and more effective at its purpose (dealing with serious exception errors.) Upon a software error in Macintosh OSX+, the offending program is shut down rather than the whole computer. If the operating system itself suffers a failure (which I have not personally experienced), it reboots while your other programs stay open (and usable, for that matter.)

POINT TWO: USER FRIENDLINESS

Upon an application’s unexpected termination, MacOS simply opens a dialogue box telling you what went wrong, and gives you the choice of reopening the program, sending a bug report, or simply doing something else. Windows gives you some unusable hexadecimal gibberish that cannot be utilized without a major in computer sciences.

My grandmother managed to crash her windows several times, infect it with a virus, and worry that she’d broken the law upon being informed that she had attempted an “Illegal operation”. It took her about five years to render her Apple computer unusable, and it took me about 10 minutes to fix the issue. (She’d erased all her applications; heaven only knows what compelled her to do this.)

All Macintosh settings can be easily accessed from the control panel, whereas Windows settings cannot be changed without first hunting them down through a multitude of menus and dialogue boxes, and it sometimes doesn’t even work after you’ve changed the setting, or it won’t let you change the setting, or it simply reverts the change the next time you log in.

POINT THREE: SAFETY

I refer to each system’s respective tendency to fall victim to viruses, trojans, worms, and other general hacker mischief (or not). Despite the title, this section will not expound upon Sony’s infamous exploding batteries occasionally found in both brands of computer laptops, but will point out that those batteries are neither Microsoft’s or Apple’s fault , but Sony’s.

Windows has numerous brands anti-virus software available for it, from the standard pre-packaged stuff we use at the school to programs that cost a hundred dollars a month. However, it will still invariably catch something at some point. (Been using this Windows computer four years, and it has caught about a dozen viruses in that time.) Mac has NO brands of anti-virus programs for it – the antivirus stuff is built right into the system, and works like a charm – I’ve never had a single virus on the Apple I’ve been using for the last eight years.

Also, when larger holes appear in security, Microsoft hems and haws before finally admitting that it’s a bug, not a feature, and fixing it. This is rather troubling.

POINT FOUR: COST

This does seem to be a bit of an issue for many people – Windows computers are cheaper. However, Apple computers are consistently shown to be faster, safer, and more stable – and they last longer before going obsolete. (Remember what I said about that eight-year-old computer?) At the core of it, it simply seems that we can turn to the old adage, “You get what you pay for.”

Conclusion

If you’re a computer wizard that likes solving ridiculously complex problems and repairing broken machines, then Windows is for you. If you are an average person that just wants the superior choice, then Apple Macintosh is the way to go. One last thing: Some argue that more programs run in Windows, and it is therefore superior. Although this is true, it is really due more to the programmer’s short sightedness than any true superiority in the operating system. Apple now comes with a program called “Boot Camp” that allows you to run Windows software.

“Character Analysis”

Had to analyze a character from “The Last Sin-Eater”. Despite my boring rendition, it’s actually a fairly good book. Also, I wanted to compare him to my principal, but my teacher nixed that idea. Killjoy…

I have chosen to perform a character analysis of Brogan Kai, the primary antagonist of the story. He does seem like a stereotypical Welsh character, in that he’s: loud, rude, strong, brutish, and not very bright. (I don’t invent stereotypes. The people who do invent stereotypes are frequently unfair and cruel in their creation. Don’t shoot the messenger.)

The character is clearly static, as he remains hot-headed and temperamental throughout the book. Despite the fact that he’s the main antagonist, he doesn’t appear that often, which leads me to the conclusion that he’s actually a minor character. The author discloses his being mostly through descriptions from other townspeople, although occasionally his terrifying actions speak for themselves. He KILLS the ‘Man of God’, which means he clearly is close-minded.

His psychological profile… this man appears to be so messed up, I would recommend a psychiatric hospital, or possibly even an exorcist!  It is this crazed persona of his that drives a decent part of the plot, keeping the village in fear of him, and obeying his more-than-eccentric whims. Disturbingly, this character actually IS believable, because in this age of global media, you actually hear about people like him (and worse) on a regular basis in the news.

Brogan clearly has no ethics, or at least what few he has are warped beyond recognition. He rules the town with an iron fist and a will of steel, and he clearly isn’t “Trying to do the right thing in the wrong way”. His motivation for the control of the town is probably the same as many people in his kind of position – he’s power hungry and a little crazy, he likes being able to order others around.

Brogan consistently behaves in a way that means you can only truly describe him as a filthy b****** (We’ve read that word – out loud – in our short story unit, so don’t get all mad at me for alluding to colorful language.) He is unquestionably erratic, seeming to fly off the handle at any small thing, but he’s predictably erratic – he’s always going to be crabby about something.

He reigns over the town with fear, as none dare oppose him. Indeed, when he discovers that Kadi has been visiting the “Man of God” against his declaration, he chokes her – nearly to death.

As I’ve covered in the pieces above, Brogan Kai has a plethora of weaknesses and faults, not the least of which is pride. He also is afflicted by jealousy, a love of power, unscrupulousness, and a very short temper – sometimes it seems as though he lacks a temper at all!

By my judgment, he doesn’t seem to have ANY redeeming qualities at all. He was clearly not intended to be the ‘sympathetic’ variety of villain.

As far as moral constitution goes, he doesn’t seem to have much – only that when he makes a decision, he stands by it.

His conflict is with all of the townspeople who are disobeying him, and the people who don’t stand by his decisions. This ultimately leads to his downfall.

In short, I have come to the conclusion that Brogan Kai is a horrible person [SATIRE] that is not unlike an unholy combination of Genghis Khan and Adolf Hitler. [/SATIRE]

A paraphrasing of “The Guitar”.

My teacher required that we paraphrase (Read: Ruin) a poem. I recommend the original, ’tis much better.

Some guy is playing a guitar

At the break of dawn

It’s impossible to shut it out

Loud

Lonely

A single, monotonous note

The man misses his home

The desert sand

White flowers

He laments his lack of purpose

The evening without end

And dead sparrows in trees

He laments these five things.

“Good Earth” Persuasive Essay

I am here to argue that excessive wealth corrupts. As per the requirements, I will attempt to do this using nothing but examples from the well-known (Or so I am told) book The Good Earth.

The Good Earth clearly shows that wealth corrupts in the case of the main character, Wang Lung; at the beginning of the book, he was honest, hardworking, and thrifty. As the story progressed, he acquired property and wealth, and before long, his scruples left him.

Many people would argue that wealth brings happiness. (You know who you are.) However, this is clearly not the case in this book. Wang Lung moves from abject poverty to having as much money as the Hwang family mentioned at the beginning of the book – and yet is not happy. He is restless throughout the course of the book, and having so much money and nothing to do (He has servants to work his land for him) ultimately causes trouble within his family. Having never learned to read, and thus unable to know that the Chinese character for “trouble” is represented by two women under one roof, Wang buys a second wife, and effectively shuns his first one. His sons are spoiled rotten, and have forgotten the Confusion rules of respect, ultimately leading up to his son having an affair with Wang’s second wife. _(EW!)

Not only that, but the fact that he is wealthy has attracted his leech of an uncle, and his worthless wife and spawn, and he cannot drive them away as the uncle leads a bandit clan – he must give the uncle whatever he desires, or Wang Lung’s house will be ransacked. Before Wang had money, the uncle didn’t bother hanging around.

In addition to this, Wang’s sons have no respect for the land – Their father’s wealth allowed him to raise them as scholars rather than farmers, and they consequently have no understanding of the value of work; what with their cushy lives, they’ve never had to lift a finger to help on the farm.

This all leads up to Wang Lung ultimately moving into the house of the Hwangs – the people that he hated so much for their haughty ways – and it is shown that he has become just like them.

Heck, the guy even becomes a pedophile. That’s about as low as you can go. _{(The notes you directed us to claim that Pear Blossom is his concubine, not merely his companion.)}

In the end, his sons buy a grain market, and he overhears them talking about selling the land. He realizes that he has wasted his life and spoiled his sons, for in a classic case of “do as I say, not as I do”, he has inadvertently taught them that money is more important than the land. Despite all his begging, they exchange knowing glances, and the reader is shown that they’re selling the land for money anyhow, despite their father’s dying wishes.

In conclusion…

MONEY IS POWER. POWER CORRUPTS.

Descriptive essay

(I might point out that I had this terrific font for the teachers voice. Apparently, WordPress doesn’t support it.)

English class

Like a dying fish thrashing about, my heart beats ever faster. My teacher just assigned yet another essay! Talons of terror grip my heart, as these essays bring doom upon my grades. The teacher chants her foul proclamations of death and despair, for all shall fall before the terrible, soul-crushing horror that is the essay.

“Now, turn in your cute little textbooks to page 659…”

It is tremendously terrible. Dante’s Inferno has nothing on this terrifying display of wretched wrath.

Then, we are locked in the laboratory and forced to work in the sweltering heat. The air conditioners are rarely on, and when they are, only the finest Sahara heat is piped through them.

“Type! Do not erase, lest I send the blazing fury of Mr. Brewster against thee! Those who touch the delete key are doomed to die as wretched outcasts, forever scorned for daring to assume that they were worthy of utilizing the pinnacle of technology!”

A faint smell of sulfur drifts through the room, seemingly as if Mrs. Yost had severely burned a large pan-full of scrambled eggs the next room over. My thoughts slowly drift round and about possibilities of escape. Alas, I do not have any U-235 in my possession, so my preferred method of escape is unavailable to me. Furthermore, I do not own any firearms, have any blunt instruments on my person, and my pencils are insufficiently sharp to be used to bluff my way off of the campus.

“Get to work, lazy slacker! It cost me an arm and a leg to earn you this laboratory time, so continue to type without stop. And it better be good!”

True to fashion, the definition of “good” has been neglected. With the maddening, burning sweat running down my brow, I continue to stall for time. If I could only survive until the bell! I would taste sweet freedom, happier than a fish that realizes that its captor is a catch-and-release fisherman, and escapes alive with nothing worse than a small wound in its jaw.

Of course, I have geometry next, but that class actually approaches tolerable.

RRRRRRRRRING

The bell rattles its clapper against itself, peals of joy sounding through the oven we are working in.

“You win this time, maggots. Now get to your next class.”

“Lord of the Flies” characters in modern day settings. WOOHOO.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Jack, Ralph, and Piggy.

Right, we’re going to Sri-Ananda Bawan.

Author: Where’s Jack? He was supposed to be here.

Piggy: I imagine he’s late for some reason or another.

Ralph: That’d be like him. He never takes care of the important things.

(The food arrives, which is much sooner than at most restaurants.)

Author: (wrinkling nose in disgust) Curry chicken, anyone? I don’t really care for it, myself, but…

Piggy: Auntie says I can’t have spicy foods – not on account of my asthma.

Ralph: Sucks to your ass-mar! (He immediately takes a large bite of chicken. He promptly spits it back out, and begins choking down his drink with great speed. After draining his cup, refilling it from the pitcher, and then draining it again, he lets out a short string of curses about how hot the chicken is.)

Author: And that’s why I don’t really care for the stuff.

Ralph: Gah!

(Ralph puts a pair of ice cubes in his mouth and attempts to speak. With a mouth that’s burning and stuffed with ice, this proves to be too difficult for him and all that escapes from his mouth is some unintelligible gibberish. After a bit of this, he spits the ice back out.)

Ralph: Geh, I’ve eaten meat straight off the fire, but it wasn’t this hot.

Piggy: Half-burnt pork is better than that chicken?

Random waiter guy passing by: (screaming) NO PO’K! NO PO’K! WE SERVE NO PO’K I TELL YOU, NO PO’K!

Author: No pork at all. I know. I don’t suppose we could have some more drinks for my guests?

Ralph: Not any more of those tropical fruits. I’m sick of ‘em.

Piggy: I don’t want anything more to do with islands for as long as I live.

Author: But you aren’t. In fact, aren’t you supposed to be flat?

Ralph: Naw, he’s too fat. Rock bounced right off.

(Short, awkward silence.)

Piggy: That’s worse than the time you told the boys my name was Piggy, which it isn’t.

Ralph: I was just trying to lighten up the situation, there’s no need to be so cross about it. What is your name, anyhow? You never did tell anyone.

Piggy: I’ve forgotten. Large boulders falling on one’s head have a tendency to ruin one’s memory.

Author: So now you have amnesia as well as asthma?

Piggy: No, it’s on account of my brains spilling out on the rocks.

Ralph: So just HOW are you HERE, then?

Piggy: I know what you’re thinking, and there’s no such thing as ghosts, like I said before!

Author: I think it’s something called artistic license.

Piggy: … Your teacher put you up to this, didn’t she?

Author: Yeah, she did. What of it?

Ralph: Every one of those students has been pulling us out of nowhere to chat with us over dinner. Your teacher doesn’t seem very sensible, giving a strange assignment like that. _{(You said Ralph was supposed to be somewhat rude, remember?)}

Author: (quickly drawing hand across own neck) ZZZZzzt! I’m doing bad enough in this class as it is, I don’t need to fail this assignment as well!

Piggy: Still, I suppose it’s better than having no adults around.

Author: Having seen how some of my classmates behave in the teacher’s absence, I’m afraid I have to agree – Although I doubt they’d burn down the forest in an attempt to spear each other’s heads.

Ralph: You seem so sure of yourself. Jack seemed fairly sensible when we first landed on that island – we all did. Everything just kind of went to pieces. I doubt you’d do much better.

Piggy: Where is Jack, anyhow? He still hasn’t shown up.

Suddenly, a tall boy covered in war paint and carrying a crude spear bursts into the restaurant.

Author: Jack?

Jack: KILL THE PIG! KILL THE PIG!

Random waiter guy: NO PO’K! NO PO’K! I CALL THE POLICE I TELL YOU!